TALES FROM MY 'FACE ME I SLAP YOU' APARTMENT

Episode 3

No wonder urine stench was everywhere the first day I came for inspection, it subsided after I had washed everywhere. By the time I was done wondering, he had ran inside. I quickly knocked on the door, a pregnant woman came out.
'Ha! Aunty no vex, na here be him toilet since wey Mama Tosin pack comot, I warn him say make he no piss for there again, he no hear. Make I bring water con wash am'.

I was furious.. This woman's carelessness got me more furious than the knowledge that my 'dormot' had turned toilet. There was light but the corridor was dark including the bathroom and toilet, infact from the corridor to the gate was dark. I later learnt they stopped buying bulbs when the bulbs kept disappearing. Someone kept stealing electric bulbs meant to illuminate the compound. Can you just imagine?

'Madam, how can you allow this little boy to go out alone in the dark to pee? Get him a potty to pee in or you follow him to the toilet, pls I don't want this to happen again.' I said firmly.

She apologised and I proceeded to the well to draw water. As soon as I stepped outside, something ran over my feet, I screamed and jumped as I flashed my torch.
Behold, it was a very big black rat, it was as big as a small cat. A man came outside and asked what the problem was.

'Na correct meat be that o, where he enter? He big well well?' He asked picking up a long stick. 

I felt like throwing up right there, this man actually eats rats? Rat as in R.A.T?

I left him and walked on. If that rat enters someone's room, the kind of havoc it will wreck, ah! What is this my God?'

I kept thinking as I reached the well. Brothers and sisters, yours truly met a dry well.

By now, to cry con dey hungry me seriously.

To be continued...

TALES FROM MY 'FACE ME I SLAP YOU' APARTMENT

Episode 2

I paid the extra asides the main rent, washed and cleaned the room and moved in. I accepted to pay all these mainly because it was the best house that fitted my small budget.
I didn't repaint the room despite the fact that it had some holes and mosquito blood stains here and there, I don't want them to have any reason to charge the next occupant for painting.

My T-shirt was wet with my own sweat. I checked the time, 8:09pm, I had been arranging my things for more than 6hours. Now my body needs a good wash and rest.

Before payment, I had checked the bathroom and toilet, they were dirty but I didn't mind, I can wash them or arrange for them to be washed. The doors were intact, they both have small windows and most importantly, they are built inside the main building and not outside like some others that I had earlier inspected.

The bathroom in one of the houses I saw did not even have a door, it was built with corrugated iron sheets at the back of the building. Your wrapper is the door. No roof too, when it rains, just use soap on your body and then allow the rain to do the rinsing. Worst still, there is a two storey building beside this roofless bathroom. So you can see that my new house is a nice place.

As soon as I stepped out to the corridor with a bucket in my hand, a warm liquid hit my legs.

This little boy of about 18months was standing in front of their own door adjacent mine, pointed his P to the front of my own door and offloaded urine there.

To be continued....

TALES FROM MY 'FACE ME I SLAP YOU' APARTMENT

Episode 1

Seated in front of the caretaker, I promised not to make him regret letting out the room to me. He asked that I bring a guarantor

who must be a relative. I brought a church member who was from my place to come stand for me as I have no relative here.
On the day I wanted to make payment, I was told I had to pay #1,300 for the gate that was fixed by tenants, #2000 for painting done on my room and #1000 security levy which is paid upfront every month.
'Which painting? I murmured With a frown, he replied 'you no notice that the paint dey neat?' 'Neat?, is that what you call neat? That room does not look like what was painted recently.' I replied
'Ok, if you no wan pay, leave am na, another person go collect the room and pay, other tenants sef pay the #2000' he replied. I paid everything.

To be continued...

This was the beginning of my journey into my one-room face me I face you apartment. The last time I lived in an apartment like this was when I lived off campus in school. Life had taken me out of my self contained into an ordinary one room. I have only stayed a while here but so many things have happened which I documented, I will bring them here for your reading pleasure.

See you in the next post.

AT LAST.....

Hello everyone!

For some weeks now, I have been nursing the thoughts of putting down all my thoughts on my personal blog but procastination is evil. Thank God I have taken that first step and I aint stopping soon.

I will be sharing my everyday experiences in my house, street , in town and so on just as I documented them. Hope you will enjoy reading.

I will start from my 'face me I slap you' apartment gist. I started it on SDK blog but stopped halfway due to personal reasons. I will start it from the beginning for the sake of new readers. I will edit them and remove some uneccessary details.



Note that the names are not real names. So any resemblance is a coincidence.



See you in the next post.